Thursday, April 15, 2004
What a Difference a Day Makes
I woke up this morning feeling much better than I have felt in the last week. I think my body was ready to give up the depression and allow me to move forward in a more positive light.
Since finding out last Thursday that my brother was going to be staying in Baghdad for at least a few more months, it has been very difficult to even crack a smile. I’ve been so angry and sad and frustrated and worst of all, I’ve felt really alone with my feelings. Sure, my friends in NYC are doing whatever they can to get me out of the apartment, but sometimes you just need to wallow in self-pity for awhile. I did that and now I may be able to return to my regularly scheduled program.
It’s been awhile since something has knocked me on my ass so hard. As someone who deals with (at times) pretty severe depression, I always get nervous that the one thing to push me over the edge will be the thing that keeps me there forever. As long as my brother comes home alive, I don’t think we will ever have to confront that one thing.
For his first year in military combat, I was pretty confident that my brother would make it through ok. I was the one telling my parents not to get so worked up. I felt the presence of God in my body and he told me that I should just have faith; that it wasn’t time for me to lose my brother. When I got the horrible news of his delayed return home last week, I felt all of that built in faith flush out of my system. Most of the tears I shed were based on the fact that I didn’t trust in his safety anymore.
With much prayer, I have slowly found my way back to the place I was before. My brother may have to stay for a few more months, but he will surely be ok and he will make me even more proud than he has already. That kid…serving our country so bravely…wow. I couldn’t love him more than I already do. And he WILL come home safely and we WILL have a wonderful family reunion when he does. Only a matter of time.
See how positive I am being now? SO positive!
I have found solace in my hatred of George W. Bush. Not really hatred, but complete lack of interest or understanding in anything he does. It’s actually to the point where I burst out laughing in people’s faces when they tell me that they are going to vote for Bush. I mean, the vote is all about personal belief so I don’t begrudge them that. But at the same time…have we been living in the same country for the past 3 years? And have you been MY friend during that time? Not sure that you would still be able to vote for Bush after that, but I’ll take that as a sign of “intelligence” on your part.
HA!
Look at me getting my fire back!
God, I feel so much better. Thank you.
To all of you that have sent me emails and left comments on my site: your support has not gone unnoticed. Rose, your offer of a phone call is incredibly sweet and open hearted. Thank you. To the rest…your sensitivity to me over the last week is something that will stay with me forever. I have some really wonderful people in my life, without which I would have surely lost my mind completely.
Here comes Friday!
I woke up this morning feeling much better than I have felt in the last week. I think my body was ready to give up the depression and allow me to move forward in a more positive light.
Since finding out last Thursday that my brother was going to be staying in Baghdad for at least a few more months, it has been very difficult to even crack a smile. I’ve been so angry and sad and frustrated and worst of all, I’ve felt really alone with my feelings. Sure, my friends in NYC are doing whatever they can to get me out of the apartment, but sometimes you just need to wallow in self-pity for awhile. I did that and now I may be able to return to my regularly scheduled program.
It’s been awhile since something has knocked me on my ass so hard. As someone who deals with (at times) pretty severe depression, I always get nervous that the one thing to push me over the edge will be the thing that keeps me there forever. As long as my brother comes home alive, I don’t think we will ever have to confront that one thing.
For his first year in military combat, I was pretty confident that my brother would make it through ok. I was the one telling my parents not to get so worked up. I felt the presence of God in my body and he told me that I should just have faith; that it wasn’t time for me to lose my brother. When I got the horrible news of his delayed return home last week, I felt all of that built in faith flush out of my system. Most of the tears I shed were based on the fact that I didn’t trust in his safety anymore.
With much prayer, I have slowly found my way back to the place I was before. My brother may have to stay for a few more months, but he will surely be ok and he will make me even more proud than he has already. That kid…serving our country so bravely…wow. I couldn’t love him more than I already do. And he WILL come home safely and we WILL have a wonderful family reunion when he does. Only a matter of time.
See how positive I am being now? SO positive!
I have found solace in my hatred of George W. Bush. Not really hatred, but complete lack of interest or understanding in anything he does. It’s actually to the point where I burst out laughing in people’s faces when they tell me that they are going to vote for Bush. I mean, the vote is all about personal belief so I don’t begrudge them that. But at the same time…have we been living in the same country for the past 3 years? And have you been MY friend during that time? Not sure that you would still be able to vote for Bush after that, but I’ll take that as a sign of “intelligence” on your part.
HA!
Look at me getting my fire back!
God, I feel so much better. Thank you.
To all of you that have sent me emails and left comments on my site: your support has not gone unnoticed. Rose, your offer of a phone call is incredibly sweet and open hearted. Thank you. To the rest…your sensitivity to me over the last week is something that will stay with me forever. I have some really wonderful people in my life, without which I would have surely lost my mind completely.
Here comes Friday!
